PART
01: THE LAST CHAPTER OF MY MARRIAGE
Two
weeks from now (14 December) would have been my 29 years of marriage to the
wife of my youth had it not ended with her demise four months ago. I am still
grieving for my lost. Some nights kept me awake because I was thinking about
her. No, I wouldn't say it was sleepless nights but just being kept awake long
enough to feel her presence where memories of her came rushing back. I am one
who would holds back the tears in public but certainly not when I am alone. I
shed tears of pain, of joy, and of the good memories of my wife.
I
still remember vividly the first time I met her it was at my birthday party in
my old house next to Methodist Boys School. I remembered this particular girl,
a plain Jane, wearing a T-shirt and an orange jeans. She was one of the youth
in our Christian youth group. I must say that I did notice her but I was
definitely not interested in her at all because my heart was pursuing some
other girl! How true it had been said that sometimes what was really good could
just be in front of us and yet we missed it altogether because our focus was
somewhere else!
The
next time that I took notice of her was when she was appointed the Editor of
our Youth Outreach Report Newsletter. I was the youth leader then. I remembered
her predecessor had to leave the Island for further studies so she was asked to
take over. That was 35 years ago. I was a prolific reader by then but also a
keen contributor to the youth newsletter. In fact I wrote quite a few articles
and the most famous one got me into real trouble due to my uncouth and
unrefined language (that’s the estimation coming from the older generation who
accused me of name-calling them “donkeys”!) but that’s another story to tell
some other time.
PART
02: THE LAST CHAPTER OF MY MARRIAGE continued
But
what really sparks off my pursuit of her were a series of events that started
off when the church typewriter she used for the newsletter broke down. Up till
now I have no answer as to why she thought that I could solved the problem of
the broken typewriter. But like a good gentleman I agreed to take a look. Honestly
I am a hopeless guy to consult with regarding such matters. Anyway I went to
her house and behold I solved the problem. I actually got the typewriter working
again.
Sometime
later she appeared at my house wanting to talk to me about helping a guy who
was having a problem. She was telling me that he shared with her his problem
but she being a girl finds it hard to help him.Therefore she requested me to counsel
him. I told her that I would try my best. I was and still am not very comfortable
in a one-on-one with people but I promised her that I will look into it. After
all I was the youth chairman! But the unanswered question is this: why did she
had to cycle all the way to my house just to tell me about this brother that
needed help? She could tell me during the Saturday night youth service or at
the Sunday service. So the question remains:why cycle all the way to my house?
PART
03: THE LAST CHAPTER OF MY MARRIAGE continued
So
out of the blue (really not my style) I took an extra helmet, hopped onto my
bike and rode to her house. I went in and asked her to come with me to visit
this “needy” brother. Was that a date? Was that asking her out? You tell me, I
don’t know! All I knew was that she said yes and off we went to see the
brother. I cannot remember much of what transpired that night but I certainly
felt so good. That good feeling was not about fetching a girl because I had
been fetching many other girls to youth meetings, bible study classes, and suppers.
But this time I felt good – really good. Well, one thing led to another thing
and before long I was fetching her regularly to bible classes straight from her
night classes and also visitation on my old faithful bike! She was encouraging
me, really, by saying yes all the time. I am not kidding you. (For those
“oldies” who used the bike to fetch their girlfriends would know what I am
talking about when I said that it felt good fetching them especially when they
have to hold on to you tightly! Oops...is that even lawful?) That went on for
many months but we were very discreet. During the good old days we can’t be so
bold unless it is “official”. One of the unwritten laws in the church was this:
the boys should always be three feet apart from the girls!
After
many months of visiting her at her home every Sunday afternoon on the pretext of
doing bible study with her cousins, fetching her to my bible class every
Friday, and taking her out to Gurney Drive for some “fellowship” time that I finally
mustered up the courage to take her to a special dinner at the famous Tip-top
Restaurant (one of the very few Coffee House selling Western food). I remember
ordering Ox Tail Soup for her and there I told her how I feel about her. I told
her that I love her and thank God she responded positively. She was so shy she just
nodded her head in approval indicating that she loves me too. Well, that’s my
interpretation of her head gestures.
PART 04: INTO
RELATIONSHIP
So
in 1980 we began our serious relationship. But she made it very clear to me that
she will not let me take her to church. She was a very proper girl. That’s what
I like about her – no nonsense. In church we were not to sit together because
she believed that when we go to church we go to worship God and should not be
distracted with each other. After all we were seeing each almost every day
during the week.
I
would love to say “and we had our relationship happily ever after!” but it
would be just a fairy tale, isn’t it? One of the reasons why I was attracted to
her was her honesty, simplicity, and spirituality. She simply saw in me a man
who has a call of God on his life. She took the risk to start a serious
relationship with a man with acall and a passion for the Lord. I did a three
months stunt in Bible School in Singapore before I met her. I guess she fell in
love not only with the “handsome dude” but also the man with a cause and a
call. Did she know that it will not be an easy road ahead? Did she know that
life would be one big sacrifice? I think she knew full well when she took the
plunge.
Really,
six months into the relationship she began to see my true colour – I was not as
spiritual as she thought I was. I used to say that when she first met me she
saw a halo on my head but months later and two feet firmly plunged into the
relationship she saw horns growing between my halo and spotting a tail behind
me (It’s meant to be a joke so please pause and laugh – Ha Ha). Seriously I was
such a disappointment to her. I cannot even count how many times I made her
cry. I was a very insecure guy and I lashed out at her whenever she tried to
correct me or suggest to me things I don’t agree or not happy to hear or
discuss. I would oftentimes reduce her to tears. I was really a mean guy. I
still don’t understand how she could tolerate me, could still love me, and
carried on the relationship for many years to come before finally said “yes” to
marry me.
PART 05: UNDER
THE CHIKU TREE
In
fact, at one stage of our relationship I asked her whether she trust me and her
answer was NO. And I asked her whether she respects me and she said NO. So I
popped the question “will you marry me?” and she said NO. I was shocked. I was
speechless. I asked her why she’s still going out with me and she said, “I
don’t know!” It’s impossible to explain – she doesn't trust me nor respects me
because she could not trust my words. Likewise she said she would not marry me
but yet when I asked her whether she still loves me she said “YES!” It makes no
sense. That particular night my head was spinning out of control. Confession
time – I went back that night and locked myself in the room and cried. I was
not sure what was happening and I was not sure about myself. I really had to
think hard about my relationship with her. I reach deep within my heart for
some answers and realised that I hadn't been honest with her, hadn't been fully
committed to the relationship even though I heaped words of endearment on her all
the time. I was a hopeless romantic, a huggy-bear and very sanguine about
everything. She, on the other hand, had been very miserly in giving her words
of endearment because it’s not in her to do that unless it really meant
something. She had always been transparent, simple and straight to the
point.
It
took such frank response from her to shock me back to reality. I had to amend
my ways. I had to earn back respect and trust from her. Boy, it took me about
two years to earn back some trust and respect. So it took me, all in all, about
five years of relationship before she could comfortably say “yes” to marry me. Many
of those nights sitting under the “chiku” tree on her porch paid off when I
learned to engage with her, be honest with her, and worked out our differences.
It hadn't always been easy and I did not always come away from under the
“chiku” tree with positive results. People around us always thought that under
that magical tree our romance blossom but in reality, the rough edges of my
character were been refined and my ego was severely dealt with. I wish I can
say that she has her fault but in reality again, more often than not, it was I
who had to change. She lived a much disciplined life – she works hard, she’s
very frugal because money doesn't come easy for her. Every day by 9 pm she
would “retire to her chamber” (go to sleep –la) and I would have to go home. So
I hardly dated her out and the few times when I managed to get her to go out
with me I blew it once too often!
PART 06:
FAMOUS SILENT TREATMENT
I
must pause here and tell you this story that is very interesting. Guys, don’t
ever make the same mistake like me! This one time I took her to a small
gathering of my good friends. Obviously, I was trying to impress my friends and
showing off my girlfriend. But like all guys we cannot multitask so before long
I got caught up in guy’s conversations with all my friends and she was
conspicuously left alone. I mean I was proud to show her off to my friend but I
did not as much as included her in the group. I was wondering why she was so
upset with me when I took her home. She gave me the famous “silent treatment”
(she just zipped up and left me pleading to the wall trying to find a clue as
to what had happened to make her so cold!). It took me a while, with all the
angry tone that makes the matter even worse that she finally blurted out, “Who
do you think I am to you? Am I a showcase for your friends?” Wow…that’s
painful!
On
a side note she was only 19 when I started a serious relationship with her. But
there’s one thing that I can say about myself; I remain faithful in our
relationship through thick and thin. I did not bail out on her even though I
was hurt when she said she could not trust me nor respects me. I did not go
searching for some other girls who would bend to me. Seriously, I choose not to
have roving eyes even in the midst of anger and frustration. I choose to work
real hard to win her back. Well…it actually paid off. Since the day I told her
that I loved her till the day she died I have never set my eyes on anyone else,
not even for a moment. She was the only person that I have ever known – a friend,
a wife, sometimes a mother, a confidante and definitely a wonderful mother to
her children!
Another
eventful event during this period of trying times of our relationship was the
time I went on mission to Indonesia for a month. After a week there I grew
restless, lonely and homesick. I was pinning for her. I wrote a very emotional
and romantic letter to her. Those of you who knew her would know that she’s not
one who of those who are expressive but in this case, she actually replied my
letter (She told me later on). Unfortunately the letter was lost in transit. I
never had a chance to read what she wrote. I had asked her a million times and
she refused to tell me what she wrote in the letter. I could only assume and
speculate that it must have contained a rare romantic kind of response from
her. Anyway I can’t pester her anymore. I have to live with this “mystery” till
I see her again.
PART 07:
THE UNIQUE PROPOSAL
Do
you want to know how we finally got married? Some of you are dying to know how
I proposed to her. Right? It was in February 1985 that I left my job (working
with my father and after that with my brothers) to fully follow God’s calling
on my life. A month later I started working full-time with FGA Centre. I
remember we were using the back of Keat Cheong’s clinic as the church office. I
was doing book-keeping for the church. I was working full-time for the church
but I was not formerly employed by the church. It’s a very loose arrangement.
Sometime
between June and September of that year I met a missionary from Barbados
working with Open Doors. He invited me to go to Barbados (as in the Caribbean
Islands) to work for the organisation called Youth for Christ. For a long time
I was interested in mission work, in fact, I was contemplating of going to
Sarawak right after my Bible School so when this opportunity came along it got
me very excited. The term of the contract was for one year and all I needed was to
find my way to Barbados and over there I would be given free board and lodging
and paid a salary as well. To me, that sounded like a good opportunity and I
really wanted to go.
As
I was checking out about the prospect of going there that I suddenly realized
that I had another matter to work out before I say “yes” to the new arrangement
and that is the issue of my girlfriend. I can’t possibly take her with me
because we were not married and I can’t leave her here to wait for me for a
year because she might not wait for me. What if I don’t come back? What if I
stayed longer? Since I saw this mission work as an avenue for me to move on I
decided to talk to her about this matter. I came up with a most ingenious idea.
I told her that we should get married as soon as possible, quit our jobs and
fly off to Barbados – the idyllic island of love and sunshine. That sounds
great, isn’t it? So that was the plan and guess what? She said “yes” to my
proposal! For those of you who are waiting to know how I proposed to her it is
just that simple: I just asked her to marry me as soon as possible so that we
can fly off to the Caribbean island of love and sunshine! Sorry fellows, no
fanfare, no going down on one of my knees, and nothing spectacular but just a
simple statement – let’s get married!
So
on 14th December 1985 we got married which is about three months from
when I popped the “marry me” question and wonderfully thinking we will be having
our honeymoon in the Caribbean Island. As it turned out and to our horror it
would cost us twenty thousand ringgit to fly to Barbados using British Airways
via London so we did get married but we never did go to Barbados. Out of the 29
years of marriage we had many adventures, challenges, three wonderful children,
pioneered the works in Langkawi, Nibong Tebal, and Prai, involved in youth and
children ministry but NO HONEYMOON! But for the first year we live in a 12
Rooms Mansion courtesy of the church – actually a run-down hotel along the
beach that had stopped operating and the church had earlier turned the dance
hall into the sanctuary of the church. Many wonderful memories were made
there.
PART 08: FAITHFULNESS
UNMATCHED
Before
I tell you the story of our time in Springtide Hotel and the roller-coaster
ride of our married life in the first couple of years, I want to backtrack to
share with you memories of the five years or so of our relationship before we
got married.
There
were a number of guys chasing after her but she chose me. All the guys that
were after her were decent guys and not the “loser” type. So there must be
something she saw that made her decide to go steady with me. For me, it’s
purely chemistry but for her – I don’t know; maybe she saw in me a match that
God had prepared for her. She did confess a little later that in one of her
prayer times with a few prayer partners, she prayed for a life partner and the
Lord showed me to her. That’s pretty scary, I thought. But she was serious
about walking in the perfect will of God. Perhaps, all the difficulties that she
had to put up with – my bruised ego, deep-seated insecurity, and silliness – and
the sacrifices she had to make was because she believed in God’s will and was
willing to bear the cross! I, however, didn't see it in so precise a black-and-white
situation.
One
of the earliest intriguing questions that she sought clarity for had been this:
how do I know the call of God, and what makes me give up everything to go to
Bible school? She was seriously seeking to know and to understand the call of
God and that’s what draws me to her – she was inquisitive, serious, and
spiritual. For a person who is the only Christian in a large family – whose
members are predominantly staunch idol-worshippers and are generally suspicious
of her faith – wanting to know the guidance of the Lord is imperative to her spiritual
survival. I believe it was her passion and love for the Lord that drove her to
want to please God and to walk in His ways fully. There was such tenacity in
her faith even as a young believer.
I
remember one vivid incident that actually put me to shame – since I was
supposed to be a so-called matured Christian and pastor-material at that. It
happened during the time where I was meeting with her parents to seek
permission for her hand in marriage. Her mother, a typically superstitious
Chinese woman, went to the temple to inquire regarding our marriage and the
Taoist priest asked her to request 10 coins from me to put under the wedding
bed and in our wardrobe. I was pretty quick to comply, simply because I was a
non-confrontational guy and wanted everything to go without any possible
conflict. But she stopped me in my tracks and told her mother to forget about
getting us to do anything that comes from the temple. She was resilient in her
decision; her mother had to relent. Such were her convictions and she had never
relented or ‘kowtow-ed’ at all when
it came to her walk with her Master and Saviour Jesus Christ. Actually I saw
her father and mother respect her beliefs after that, and so did the grand
matriarch of the Lee Family, even!
PART 09: LOVE
WRITTEN IN NASI LEMAK
Not
long after we went steady, I packed my bags and headed down to Singapore to
attend the Tung Ling Bible Ministry Development Course, a follow-up 5-month
course from the regular short-term course I took the previous year. I was
supposed to be there for 5 months but it didn't work out, so I only stayed for
the two-month lecture phase; I did the 3-month practical in Penang itself. Also,
I signed up for the course without the support of my local church so I had to
fork out the tuition fee, food and board, and other living expenses on my own.
I went ahead by faith not knowing how to come up with the fee but the Principal
felt that I should attend the Course. The concession was that I could pay the
school back once I secured a job. When I came back I went to work for my father
in the family business but my pay was meager, so I was in debt for a while. So
what’s my story? Well, she came to know about it and insisted that she help me
settle the debt. It came up to be close to two thousand Ringgit.
Kissing
was a taboo for unmarried couples, but that one evening, sitting under the
moonlit sky at the Esplanade, I couldn't help but steal a kiss – because she had
become my benefactor! Obviously, she was caught off guard, and I won the day! But
what I came to discover later was the fact that the amount she gave to settle
my debt was almost all of her savings. She was working as a stenographer and
her pay was really little – considering that she had to give to her grandmother
an allowance for staying in her house, send money home to her parents in Alor
Star, Kedah, and pay for her own living expenses. I am and will always be
amazed that she was able to save every month. I am also pretty sure she gave
generously towards people in need. Many times I found out that she would eat a
packet of nasi lemak for breakfast and one
for lunch almost every day inside the office. And for her dinner she would
prefer to go home and eat her grandmother’s cooking (which is quite bland –
mostly soup). So for her to settle my debt was a huge sacrifice and I am
forever indebted to her.
Did
I steal anymore kisses after that? Well, do you know that it was one of the
hottest topic of discussion during my time? What do you think my Elders would
react if he found out that I kissed her that night?
PART 10: THE
YOUNG MAN SEES A VISION
In
order to have a proper perspective on the story of our lives together, it is
pivotal to relate to you the circumstances surrounding how I made the decision
to leave everything to go to Bible School in 1979 – which led to me coming back
after 3 months and meeting her, getting into a serious relationship with her,leaving
for Singapore again after a couple of months into the relationship, and coming back
again after two months of classroom lectures with a huge debt. That’s where the
story of how she became my benefactor – as related above – comes into play.
Earlier I mentioned that she was very keen to know and understand about the
call of God on my life and what really caused me to give up everything to serve
God completely. Here it is:
Following Jesus hasn't been easy for me.
What really defines the word “follow” is a living sacrifice on the altar of
absolute obedience to God’s call. The call of God upon my life was marked by a
series of trials and testing. I had spent many nights in tears, many nights
being overwhelmed by the weight and the burdens upon my chest. I had spent many
nights praying and seeking for God to lead me out of my trials, out of my
despair, and out of my spiritual struggles.
One afternoon while working, I looked out
the window and saw a Chinese funeral procession. It was nothing unusual BUT
that particular afternoon the Lord stopped me in my tracks and asked me a
series of questions:
“What did
you see? Who died? What do people usually say when the dead man is a young man?
What if he/she is an old man/woman with lots of people wearing black?”
Finally God asked me this question: What
do you think I see? At that moment I saw a vision. I saw myself standing on the
edge of a cliff and people were walking aimlessly toward the cliff – then
falling over it. I looked past the edge and saw a multitude of dead bodies at
the bottom. I was shocked. I was frightened. At that moment the Lord gently
spoke and said to me that every time I see a Chinese funeral procession,one
soul goes to hell! I cried for a long time. After that I stopped struggling
with Him. I stopped fighting with Him. I answered the call of God to serve Him
for the rest of my life. The first step that I took that day was to let go and
let God. But little did I know that by letting God take over my life, He was
going to take me through “the valley of the shadow of death,” and through the
secret places – the caves where the leopards and the lions were prowling around
in hunger.
Soon after I saw the vision I left my job
(I was working for my father) and made preparations to go to Singapore to study
in Tung Ling Bible School. That was in 1979.
PART 11: DON’T
MESS WITH HER
Remember
that I mentioned earlier that she’s honest, transparent and straight to the
point. I think I was not so blunt and I was certainly non-confrontational. This
next story was an embarrassment to me though it was certainly not to her. I
remember she came with me to a small gathering in the home of a lawyer who was
larger-than-life. He was a very (in)famous lawyer who had a screwed-up personal
life: he was divorced,remarried to a much younger woman, and now divorced a
second time. But at the time of our meeting he had apparently come to the Lord
and had become active in the church. So in the midst of him sharing his
testimony, he kind of was trying to justify his divorce, why he remarried, and
why he divorced the second one too. Before I knew it, she shot out at the guy
and declared that a sin is a sin, God hates divorce and “…you are in an
adulterous relationship…” twice over. I was flabbergasted, the lawyer was red-faced,
and the rest just looked away hoping the whole thing would blow over. He tried
to justify again and she just ticked him off plainly. I can’t remember what
happened after that; all I know was that I was pretty embarrassed.
One
of the good memories of those good old days of “pak-thor-ing” (courting) was taking her to work every day (very
romantic indeed) on my small Honda bike. Those motor-bike rides turned out to be
the source of my many stories. I am not a morning person, and for the most part
of my working life with my dad, we only came into work about 10-ish. So after
going steady, one of my boyfriend-ly duties was to send her to work every day. Some
days (many times I must admit) I woke up late and by the time I got to her
house to pick her, she had already left by bus. But because she had waited for
so long for me, she was inevitably late by the time she decided to take the
bus. So many times she reached her office 15 to 20 minutes late and being one
who is disciplined, she hated it. I remember calling her at her office later one
morning and asking her a dumb question, “Were you late this morning?” I
recalled vividly her slamming the phone down. The funny thing is that I didn't just ask her an obviously dumb question, but I laughed over the phone hoping
she would take it in stride and forgive me. I was dead wrong. There it goes
again – the silent treatment! So when I went later in the evening to fetch her
back(making sure I was early), it was so quiet between us that I could even
hear the buzzing sound of a mosquito! (I’m joking – please laugh!).
Sitting
under the “chiku” tree almost every
night for a number of years were wonderful times – ‘bitter-sweet’, come to
think about it. We had a lot of time talking about spiritual things, the Word
of God, church, and work. My working life was boring. I knew I had a call in my
life and I had gone to bible school but I was unable to launch by faith into
serving God full-time, because our church culture did not encourage it. So I got
stuck working for my father; my serving God would be playing guitar in the
church and selling music cassettes and books. So most of the time our
conversation centred on her work and office, and being typical of a woman and
also a perfectionist, her narrative of her day in the office was in
excruciatingly painful details. I was more interested in looking at her eyeball
to eyeball and she was more interested in telling me everything that happened
in the office. I was interested in holding her hand, putting my arms around her
and having her snuggle with me but she was more interested in telling me her
woes in the office and expressing her day at work.
Seriously,
that’s all there is to the romance under the magical chiku tree!
PART 12: MY
WILDERNESS WANDERINGS
Okay,
it’s time for me to share some of the stuff that happened at my wedding and thereafter,
while living in the 12 Room Mansion called Springtide Hotel. But before that,
let me rewind a little and share about how I left my job the second time and
got into full-time ministry with the church.
I
left working for my dad in 1979 thinking I will not be looking back anymore. I
was more than wrong. You see, what happened was that when I came back from
Singapore after finishing my studies, I thought I was ready to fly and take the
world for Jesus. Well, I was only 20 and considered young and immature, but
since the church then (not the present church) paid for my study in Tung Ling
Bible School, they felt somewhat obliged to take me in. This church that I grew
up in didn't believe in full-time ministry because they believed that everyone
should be serving. So there was no pastor in this church. I became the first
full-time church worker and guess what the job description was? Every day I was
asked to go around the compound of the church – which was also the house of the
Elder of the church – to look for dog poo and then to clear them away! Other
times I was asked to clean the fan and stand guard looking out for strangers
that might slipped into the church. The pay was meager, in fact, worse than
what my father paid me! I quit after only two weeks.
So
in between the time of my first trip to Singapore and the second time for the
Ministry Development Course, I got involved with the Spiritual Renewal (a
Ministry preceding the Full Gospel Businessmen Fellowship) that was responsible
in bringing in Roy Durman the Healing Evangelist. At the same time, I helped to
mend Maranatha,a Christian book shop.
In
June 1980 I left for Singapore the second time and this was where I incurred
the huge debt. My life was not getting anywhere, really. I was still in the relationship
with the same girl, but with a lot of tension, a lot of misunderstandings, and I
was more of a pain-in-the-neck than a loving boyfriend. I was still attending
the same old church, still teaching bible classes every Friday night at the
back of the church, still full of passion for the Lord but really, I was
running around like a headless chicken. I was by then back in the family
business but with an understanding with my wonderful dad that I could go out on
missions if there was an opening. So in 1981 I left for Indonesia for a month
and that’s where you can connect the dots to the letter that I never received
from her!
After
I came back from Indonesia, I went to minister in an East Coast State for a few
days. Other than that I was back to square one – where I first started –
working in the family business again. The days, months and years since then
until October 1984 were frustrating years. I had wanted to serve the Lord but I
seemed to be hitting a concrete wall and I was very frustrated. There seemed to
be no way out for me. I often complained, and was deeply frustrated.
Interestingly, in 1983 a bunch of youth left the old church and went on to
start a new church and today it’s called FGA Centre. I was one of the youth who
left the old church for the new. I began serving in the music ministry, joined
the Home Fellowship led by Keat Cheong, and ran a little book corner called AVL
Praise – together with my buddies,Heok Hee (my 2nd brother),
Thean Khee, and Andy Thum.
All
my buddies especially Chong Leang were subjected to my complaints and often
challenged me to step out and go all out for Jesus. Finally, in October 1984, I
told my brothers that I will not be working in the family business anymore
after February 1985 because I wanted to pursue my call. So I left in February
and started working for the church in March and married the love of my life in
December – all within the same year!
PART 13: OUR
WEDDING DAY
Most
of us know that Ean Beng was a prayerful woman and believed in prayers. So, for
her weeding she really prayed hard for a wonderful once-in-a-lifetime wedding
day. Everything went well for the most part of the day, until the evening when
we had our wedding ceremony in the run-down dance hall in the old Springtide
Hotel turned FGA Centre. Our wedding was the third that had happened in this
rundown dance hall. There were many wonderful memories of our wedding day but
also some unforgettable moments.
I
vividly remember that up till our wedding day we were worried sick over how we
could pay off our debt – the catering, the flowers, and other expenses. Praise
God we had some people who came alongside us. For example, one pastor called
Peter Tong did all the flower arrangements for just One Hundred and Twenty Ringgit!
But still, with all the angpow
received up to the wedding day, it was still very far below the expenses
incurred. Honestly, we had no money in our savings account. My mother forked
out a couple of thousand ringgit for my bedroom set and Ean Beng’s savings all
went to the some other wedding expenses. Photograph-taking was free because of
my brothers – whose professions were in photography. Most of our debt goes to
the food catering for our guests. We were worried and it was very real. So when
the guests arrived and started giving us angpow,
we were very delighted and elated. Honestly I think I gave a lot of
concentration to the monetary gifts that were coming in than the guests
themselves!
Our
wedding would have been perfect – until the rain decided to pour heavily, halfway
through the wedding ceremony. All the tables set outside for the guests were
drenched, so during the dinner reception, everyone cramped into the rundown
dance hall with plates on their hands. It’s such a spoiler that most of the
people could not sit down to enjoy the dinner. The other thing was that many
people were held back and could not make it to the dinner reception because the
rain was so heavy. For those who remember how the rundown dance hall looked
like would know that when it rained, the water will seep through the cracks of
the rooftop and the clogged gutters, so that we had many mini waterfalls in the
hall while the service was on. This madness carried onto the dinner reception,
as well.
Perhaps
the most embarrassing thing happened at the exchange of rings. I had taken my
ring instead of hers and placed it onto her fingers. Can you imagine it? Once I
realised, I immediately pulled out the ring, turned to the congregation and
exclaimed, “Sorry, wrong ring” while taking the right ring and placing it on her
finger. She burst out laughing and the congregation joined in heartily. I have
never witnessed (before or after) any such incident where the groom placed the
wrong ring into the bride’s finger.
Do
you want to know what transpired on our wedding night, after the reception? ;)
PART 14: OUR
WEDDING NIGHT
Our
wedding night was the most interesting. Do you want to know what transpired?The
only thing foremost on our minds was to open up all the angpow and started counting! We were so relieved that we managed to
have enough money to pay off our wedding expenses. We actually switched off the
light and went to sleep after that; I mean, really slept like a baby! The next
thing we know, it was morning and we had to quickly get ready to go downstairs
to attend church because it was a Sunday morning! Yea, our wedding chamber was one
of the rooms in our 12- room Mansion, next to the rundown dance hall that had
been turned into God’s Sanctuary!
Day
02 (Sunday): After the service a bunch of youth took us out for quite a
fanciful lunch and after that checked us in to Golden Sands Hotel for our
official honeymoon – courtesy of Keat Cheong & Albert Tan! I remember Andy
and Lian See took us to the hotel and even bought Chicken Chop for us for our
dinner. Obviously we couldn't afford to have dinner at the restaurant in the
hotel or maybe we felt it was way out of our league. After all, we were not
used to staying in a hotel – it’s only for the rich! But the hotel was great,
especially for someone who hadn't stayed in one before. I was thrilled to the
socks, but my new bride was not. There seemed to be a “dark cloud” hanging over
her and it was frustrating trying to get her to talk about it.
Later,
in the evening, I took her downstairs to have a drink at the lounge hoping the
live music would cheer her up. After all we were newly married and we should be
entitled to some happiness, right? But no, that was not the case because she
refused to talk to me, looked grumpy, and was completely not interested in all
my loving embraces. I was one frustrated bridegroom, because I felt very
vulnerable when I didn't know what was happening since she was giving me the
silent treatment. I was wondering what I had done wrong this time round. I was
trying to get her to open up and tell me where I had gone wrong, but she kept
quiet for almost the whole night. Finally we went back to our room and within
minutes she burst out crying.
Do
you want to know why? Wait for it……
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