#01 – The Tale of the Big Three - THE ADVENTURE OF A FATHER

One of the great lessons of married life is learning to adjust according to the changes in different seasons of your life. For us, the time of great adjustments would be these: becoming parents for the first time, parenting school-going kids, and managing our teenage children. These are the big three. It’s like the second wave is bigger than the first – and the third is tsunami!

Let me tell you my story –

Well into the second year of our marriage, we planned to start a family. When my wife missed her menses, she kind of sensed that this is it – she may be pregnant! Both of us came from a very fruitful family (my parents have seven kids and her parents have eight) and we certainly did not need to try very hard! See, when she went for her pregnancy test, she was told that she’s about 6 weeks into the pregnancy – the strange thing was that up ‘til then she had no morning sickness, but after seeing the doctor she immediately developed evening sickness! That’s weird and I think it’s psychosomatic! And I saw that in a lot of pregnant women. Even though they were pregnant they didn't experience morning sickness until they were told that they were pregnant! And you certainly read it right – she had evening sickness – the nausea only came in the evening. And her craving? Chicken chop, Ox-Tail Soup and plenty of "soya" bean drinks!

Fatherhood changed me forever! But in reality, fatherhood changes everything for the guys – either they grow closer to their spouse or they grow apart slowly. As for me, I changed for the better. My wife told me that when I became a father, I changed to be a better husband and a better man. Wow – a compliment from her is worth a thousand possessions!

Our nine months journey together into parenthood has lots of stories for me to tell.

PART 01-1 - A GIFT FROM THE LORD

We came back from the clinic with some mixed feelings – I was happy to know that I am going to be a father, but at the same time scared about the weight of a stack of responsibilities. What if we cannot take care of the child? I mean, we were going to be a first-time parents!

One evening my wife pulled me aside and told me something that jolted me a little. She told me that one day she was worshiping God alone in the room when she felt the presence of God and the Lord told her that in a year’s time He will give her a son and she shall call him ‘praise’. She remembered that she had written it down on her journal (she made it a habit to write everything down in her diary since before our marriage) so she quickly took out her journal and searched for the entry. To her amazement, she saw that the date on her journal was exactly one year ago from the date of her conception (as calculated by the doctor). She was thrilled but yet doubtful. I was thrilled and I simply took it that God had spoken.

For the rest of her pregnancy I kept believing that God has provided us with a son and we will call him praise. Since the biblical name Judah (meaning praise to God) didn't sound quite right to us – because we were scared that in the latter years his friends might tease him by calling him Judas the betrayer – I decided to name him after the famous Christian author Judson Cornwall who wrote numerous books on praise and worship.

True enough God gave us a son and we named him Judson. Later I found out that his name means son of praise – “Jud” means praise in Hebrews and “son” is the English word “son”.

PART 01-2 - BABY BLUES

I remember the morning when my wife went into labor; we were staying in the place known as the Australian Village – the semi-detached houses next to Kolej Tunku Abdul Rahman – and because I didn't own a car I had to borrow my brother’s car (he lived on the opposite side of the road). I think I practically woke up the whole neighborhood when I called for my brother. It was about 7.30 in the morning.

I remember rushing her to Specialist Maternity Center in Chai Leng Park, Seberang Prai – excited, anxious, and dazed all at the same time. Half-way through the journey she said that she’s hungry so I had to stop in the Hawker Center in Green Lane, run to the stall to get her dumplings, and literally run back to the car. She ate it all. So all the rushing and running, for this first-time father-to-be, was really exhausting. Finally we reached there and after checking her the nurse said that it won’t be very soon and asked me to relax. Guess what? The boy ONLY arrived into this world at 7.30 pm – that’s close to 12 hours long.

My wife “swore” she would not have another child because it’s so painful and also would not relate her “ordeal” to any young women at all so as not to scare them. Well she didn't keep that promise – we went on to have two more kids and she happily told people about the ordeal and the wonderful feelings after that.

After checking out of the hospital we headed for my sister’s house in the South of the Island. She took care of my wife and our baby during the confinement. The arrangement: my sister took care of the baby during the day and we took care of him ourselves at night. What happened that really shook me was during the first week of confinement. One evening my wife suddenly went depressed; she just cried and told me she wanted to go home. She was so desperate to go home without the baby – I mean, asking to just leave everything and craving to get in her own bed. I didn't know what to do at first. My sister was so understanding – she took care of the baby and asked me to take her home. I took her home and left the baby there with my sister. That night she slept like a baby and the following day she woke up happy and told me she misses her baby and wanted to go back. That’s odd! But later I found out, through reading, that she was experiencing baby blues! Thank God it’s only for one day!

PART 01-3 – ELIZABETH BECAME JOYCE

When my eldest son was 2-plus Mum had forgotten about the pain of child-birth and was longing for a kid brother or sister for Judson. I couldn't agree more because it was no secret that I wanted a daughter. It’s almost like a demand for the Lord to give us a girl this time round. Of course, at the back of our minds, this was but a wish-list. Again we plan for a second baby and true to our genes, we were both very fruitful – because it didn't take us very long. In fact it was so soon, we were caught off guard – she became pregnant during our packing up to move to the mainland!

What happened was the morning after we moved to our new home in the Mainland, she came out of the bathroom and informed me that she’s bleeding. She told me that it is different from the normal menstruation so we suspected that she might be pregnant and that it’s not a good sign. So I rushed her to see Dr. Pauline in Chai Leng Park. It was about 8 in the morning. To cut a long story short the doctor told me that the good news was I am going to be a father again but the bad news was that the bleeding could be a sign of a threatened abortion. One of the reason could be the heavy lifting and work we did while packing stuff for our move to a new home. Dr Pauline, being a very fine Christian and a prayer warrior, prayed for her and felt that the child would be fine but would need the father’s prayer every day.

This was a very difficult pregnancy for my wife. She had to be in bed a number of times due to the bleeding and each time would mean at least a week long! She was only 4 weeks into the pregnancy when we went to see the doctor. Into her 2^nd month something strange yet wonderful happened – I was singing in my sleep to my wife. The next morning she asked me why I sang so loud to her in the middle of the night. I was blur because I didn't know what she was talking about. Then we both realized that I was singing in my sleep. I asked her what was I singing about and she said that I was singing from a scripture in Isaiah 12:3 – “Therefore with joy shall you draw water out of the wells of salvation.”

I harbored a strong wish in my heart that this child would be a girl (and I really couldn't care less about a boy’s name) but I had the name Elizabeth edged in my mind for this child of mine. After the “singing-in-the-sleep” episode I was even more convinced that this child will be a girl and I will call her Joyce. True enough God granted me a daughter and her name is Joyce. She’s a bundle of joy.

I will share more in the next episode –

PART 01-4 – MORE THAN A BUNDLE

During the remaining months of her pregnancy she had to be rushed to the hospital once for a false labor episode and several times confined to her bed for a week. The child was special but demanding I think. I remembered clearly the words of Dr. Pauline so I prayed for her every night. Like this particular time that she experienced pain (which turned out to be a false alarm), I traced back and realized that I had stopped praying for the baby for some days. Well, from then on, I started to pray faithfully for the child without fail until the baby was born – many times past 1 in the morning. You see, I had to travel frequently back to Penang Island for meetings and sometimes I only reached home after 1 in the morning.

On the 8^th month of her pregnancy she had a massive asthmatic attack and she was breathing very heavily and panting away. I was at the prayer meeting and she didn't think it necessary to call me. When I reached home she was sitting on the sofa panting away trying to catch her breath. I wanted to take her to see Dr. Khoo who operated a clinic in Nibong Tebal (pronounce as “Knee-Te-Bung Tebal” according to Judson who was 3 years old) but she insisted that it’s okay. And her reason was that she was afraid that the medication would affect her baby. I had to almost forcefully get her to go with me to the clinic. Praise God we were in time – but what a scare!

So when the day finally came, she was more than ready for the new kid to come into the world. I was just as excited as when we had our first child. I was trying to rush her to get ready so that we could get to Specialist Maternity Centre in Bukit Mertajam (about 35 KM away) but she was as cool as a cucumber! She just sat on the edge of her bed and took out a book that she had been reading for the whole duration of her pregnancy – a book on praying every day for the unborn child with the Scriptures. Just imagine with me – she sat there and read through every scripture listed there for the entire 9 months. Yeah – it took her close to 30 minutes to read all the Scriptures and I was pacing up and down the floor waiting for her.

Again, I thought the baby would arrived the moment we reached the maternity clinic but I was wrong! We arrived at about 10 pm but she only came out at 1.15 in the morning – just over 3 hours. She was praying for a short labor and 3 hours is pretty good but the pain was still excruciating. Let me side-track a little: I waited outside the delivery room and the nurse said she’ll call me when the delivery is near so that I can hold my wife’s hand and watch my daughter come into the world. I guess I had not enough patience, and being bored with waiting, I decided to go and get a cup of coffee. The minute I left the clinic for the nearby “mamak” stall for a cup of coffee, she decided to come out – probably just as impatient as me!

You want to know why she was yelling away and the nurses had to calm her down? Well, this new-born baby was not like her brother, slow and steady – she arrived faster but she was a 9-pounder (Jud was only 7 ½ lbs)! No wonder her mum screamed her head off when she came into the world!

PART 01-5 – PARENTS FOR A THIRD TIME – A BONUS INDEED!

We were part of the rare couples who had three kids because most of the others stopped at two! Usually the first two was planned but the third one was an “accident” – whatever that means. I think the correct theology of pregnancy would be this: we may make plans about procreation but really it is God who gives life and every child that is born to us (whether we planned for it or “accidentally conceived him/her”) is a gift from the Lord. There is no accident in God’s creation. Our third child did not come as a surprise to us, and neither did we “plan” for it, but certainly he was conceived out of love, intimacy and passion! So it makes no difference whatsoever!

By this time she was more than experienced at being a mother so there’s really not much of a hassle. In fact, our third baby had the best medical care at Adventist Hospital. I was with her throughout the whole duration – waiting for the doctor, getting stuff for the baby, and our two kids were really happy in anticipation for a new brother to be added in the home. My mother was a little skeptical – she was worried about our ability to financially cope with having a third child. Well, we have lived with little for such a long time that we were no longer bothered about it. By the way, God has never failed us yet!

My wife told me that this time round she would not tolerate with the pain anymore so when she went into labor she was literally given “laughing gas” to ease her pain – she used up 1 ½ tanks of it! Well, according to her, the pain was more bearable but she still screamed! I know because this time I was beside her and she was holding on to my hands tightly. I thought my bones would be crushed! Dr. Zoe was there delivering the baby and it was a privilege to be able to finally muster up the courage to watch the whole process. I was told some fathers fainted watching their wives give birth. Oh – I loved every minute of it. When the baby came out, the doctor make a remark to my wife: “Oh – it’s a boy. Shall I see you the next time – a baby girl then?” I quickly retorted: “No, no more! Close shop.”

PART 01-6 – CUTE AND SMALL

Jesher was no ordinary child when he was born – he was much smaller than most babies, at just about 5 pounds. He was tiny but the cutest of all my kids. I mean all my kids were adorable when they were born (any father would said that even when others saw some “monster faces” I think) but Jesh - father’s loving way of calling him - was so fun to hold and cuddle – though with tremendous care and precision.

We had to check him back to Adventist at least twice during the 1^st month after his birth, due to jaundice. It was heart-breaking to see this little baby (literally little) being placed in an incubator with UV lights. Several times a day I would drive to the hospital delivering mummy’s love to him – mum’s milk where there is no price tag!

My wife had no confinement lady nor a confinement home to stay in. My firstborn was taken care of by my sister, the second one had my mother coming over the stay with us (though I was the “confinement lady” and the cooking came from a wonderful church member in Nibong Tebal). But this little one got a dear sister Lillian Ramesh to come over to bathe the baby while I did all the cooking for my wife and two kids. Maybe that’s where I honed my culinary skills – if there were even any to begin with!

Can I just rewind a little to give a proper perspective on why we had to do everything ourselves? You see, we were pastoring the church in Nibong Tebal for about three years when we were asked to come back to Penang to take over as the Worship Pastor in the Main church. We came back when Joyce was about 18 months. In Nibong Tebal my rental for a landed, semi-detached corner house with lots of fruitful mango trees was only RM180 per month. I was living very comfortably there but when I came back to Penang our small apartment of 800 sq. ft. cost us RM600 per month. What a world of difference – I could rent 3 units in Nibong Tebal for that same amount in Penang. By the way, my salary remained the same! I paid RM9 for Judson’s pre-school in Nibong Tebal and guess what – it cost RM65 in Penang. So I had to really, really budget when the 3^rd one came along!

I am not complaining, just saying......