MOM'S PARENTING PHILOSOPHY

PART 01 – FAMILY ALTAR

One of the most powerful indelible mark that Mom has left for her children would be the daily family altar. Each kids would get some quality time with Mom as a toddler where she would read to them nursery rhythms that tell the stories from the Bible. Sometimes Dad would put melody into those nursery rhythms and sing to them with my guitar. Our children grew up with the daily reading of the bible, singing, and praying for one another, those in need, and the missionaries too.

Once my children could read they would be asked to read some of the Scriptures during the Family Altar. Judson was the only one who would do speed reading. Dad was always assigned to explain and the children were always encouraged to ask questions. Sometime they would intentionally asked silly questions. I think we might have actually completed reading through the entire Bible - both Old and New Testament at least once over. In their later years as teenagers we had Family Altar only once a week where we still read the bible, pray for one another, for those in need, and the missionaries. The last time we did this was about three months before Mom passed away.

I am very proud of my children who stood by her Mom and never failed to come together for family devotion whenever she calls for one. Everyone would stop what they were doing and gathered around the table for the devotion unless they were not at home. The last one that we had we were reading from the Book of Isaiah and probably the second time round!

I am looking forward to see my grandchildren gathering round their parents and having family altars – reading the Bible together, praying for each other and missionaries too!

PART 02 – HOUSE RULES

Ean Beng was the Home Affairs Minister, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Justice all rolled into one. There were only FOUR BASIC RULES that governed her household –

Rule No. One: OBEY YOUR MOM AND DAD. My children were all grilled with one of the famous songs from The Donut Man and it goes like this - O.B.E.Y. - Obey your mom and dad; O.B.E.Y – it makes them very glad; Listen to the words they say, obey your parents every day; O.B.E.Y. - Obey your mom and dad. When you’re riding in the car, sit still (sit still); when your mum says “go to bed” say “I will” (I will); when it’s time to clean your room, you must pick up your toys; remember obedience brings joy.

Rule No. Two: SAY YOU’RE SORRY, HUG AND KISS BACK. This rules apply even to Mom and Dad, and those cousins and friends who came to stay in our house. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong, if there’s a fight – everyone has to say sorry, hug and kiss back.

Rule No. Three: Jesus says that we must do what? Yes, LOVE ONE ANOTHER. She will constantly drum into the kids about loving one another – meaning (a) don’t quarrel, argue and fight, (b) share everything, (c) do not be mean to your younger sister and brother - including teasing, and (d) don’t say stupid.

Rule No. Four: WATCH YOUR MOUTH. Some words are not allowed to be uttered in our home, for example, the word “stupid”, “silly”, and any words that are vulgar or give negative connotation. She will deal with the kids severely if they uttered the word “stupid” even if it is directed to themselves. One day Judson was so exasperated with Joyce and really wanted to scream the forbidden word “stupid” at her but knowing that he would be severely punished he instead shouted “stu-ki”. Technically his Mom could not fault him but we all know what he really wanted to say. Very ingenious and original indeed. Maybe that’s why he turns out to be a lawyer today!

There’s also one by-law in our house: EAT YOUR VEGGIES! But for Judson he had one additional by-law and that was eating a piece of fish a day. You see, he doesn't eat fish at all. One day a preacher spoke about parenting and mentioned about getting our children to eat what is good and nourishing for them and to insist on it with firmness. Since that day Mom make sure the boy has a tiny piece of fish on his plate. It really doesn't matter how he eats it – swallow it like a medicine with water or whatever just as long as it goes in. I think she did that for a number of years!

PART 03 – THE SOUND OF MUSIC

Music is very much a part of the growing up years of our children and Mom make sure that they do. As far as their Mom is concerned every child should be musical – sing, play an instrument and dance. She will make sure all her children took piano lessons and she will make sure they practice at home. It seems like a torturing time for my kids at times but their Mom does not relent that easily. She made them practice the piano more consistently than their study – that’s my assessment.

Judson started late in piano. Well, his Mon let him learn drum instead because we didn't have money to own a piano. But his one year of drum lessons didn't go anywhere because the teacher was also not going anywhere! So when Joyce started on her piano lesson we had a little keyboard (really not fit to be use even as a piano substitute) for her to fiddle with. Judson was watching by the side and we saw that he was kind of interested in it. So when Mom asked him whether he wanted to learn piano he said yes. His Mom was so excited and enrolled him almost immediately. He was into piano playing quite easily really.

And when it comes to spending money for music lessons, singing lessons or learning any other instruments Mom would no spare any effort to find money for the tuition – piano, violin, vocal lessons, drums, and bass. Mom was always cautious about finance but for the sake of her children’s music education which was top priority we bought our first and only piano with a credit card. We took many years to pay back the bank and to discontinue the Card. The only other debts were the housing and car loan. 

In her heart she always wish for her children to be able to serve alongside her through music and singing. She saw her dream come through when her children became part of the church worship ministry. She’s always very proud of them.

PART 04 – OF FOOD, EDUCATION & ENTERTAINMENT

Our family grew up eating what was placed on the table without complaining. For a number of years I was struggling to be stable in the work of the ministry that we had just enough or sometimes not enough too. It was too embarrassing to ask my family for help since I made the choice to serve God full-time and to walk this walk of faith. One thing that I am forever grateful to my wife and children is that they were with me all the way. Like I said we eat simple food – lots of bean curds, beans sprout, fried rice and eggs, fried “bee-hoon” and soup with cabbage, carrots, more bean curds and chicken bones for lunch and dinner. For our family, to be able to step into KFC was a luxury to say the least! Any good feasting for us would be at the table of my brothers and sisters. But for us food was the least of our concerns because my children had no difficulty eating what was placed on the table.

Our children don’t own many toys and we hardly buy any for them. All their toys were either hand-me-down or bought for them by their aunties and uncles. The best entertainment that I think their Mom provided for them was all the Christian music tapes and VCD – Psalty, The Donut Man, Bible Stories by Jodi Benson, etc. They hardly got to watch cartoons unless it was Christian-based and teaches Christian values. Well, they did watch Power Ranger when Mom was not around or when they were at other people’s home.

Now, comes to education Mom had her educational values all figured out neatly. She would start a reading regime when each of the kids reaches 2+ to 3. She’s not into numbers with her kids or science stuff but READING is a must. By age 7 Judson was already reading story books, Joyce was only 5 and a half when she could read on her own, and Jesher was about 6 and a half when he completed Peter and Jane. Today, all my kids are still avid readers. Some other values that she held dear are spiritual education - Christian music, story books, and family altar, and music education. I know that it would come as a surprise to some of you that she doesn't hold as top priority the regular school education. For her she wanted them to do well in their regular studies but she put a higher premium on their spiritual development, musical talent, and character.

I need to share this before I pen off this section. Like I have said before Ean Beng lives a very transparent life – straight to the point with all honesty. So, for you parents who got all tongue-tied when your kids suddenly pop the question “Mom, where do babies come from?” let me share with you candidly what my wife did with her kids. She doesn't wait for them to pop the question, she already had a lesson plan on sex education for them! One thing I admire about her is the fact that she’s very cool about it (maybe too cool) and she would teach them just as it is using all the right and proper words - absolutely no simile or metaphor in describing human body parts and function! Ask my children, they remember it very well! Come to think about it, how much a child actually understands what she said in all its details is still a mystery to unpack!