A GREAT ROCK IN A WEARY LAND

Since I came back from my needful holiday I found myself working non-stop. I love getting back into the game, so to speak but little did I know that I was once again caught up in the monotonous drag of a daily grind. If I am not careful I will grind myself to a spiritual halt – a burn-out! Honestly, there’s so much thing to do and so little time BUT life is not to be lived with such drag. I need to back off a little. Perhaps that’s why I am down physically – forced rest from work. I have been sick for the last four days and have not been eating well. Today I am much better therefore I write. Ha-ha.

Isaiah 32:2 - Each will be like a hiding place from the wind, a shelter from the storm, like streams of water in a dry place, like the shade of a great rock in a weary land.

Reading within context, the Messiah, the God-Man Jesus Christ will be a hiding place from the cold penetrating wind of wintertime; he will be an impervious shelter from the unpredictable storms of life; he will be like streams of fresh and refreshing water in a dry place and the shade of a great Rock in a weary land. How true! Just by the very description of our Messiah and Redeemer Jesus Christ gives us the sense of assurance that there can never be any situation, circumstance or condition of life that God is NOT there in the midst of it to protect, to lead, and to supply!

There are many situations in my life that could make me question his existence, his love and reality BUT at the end I found that if I am not focus on “poor me” and allow him to speak through the circumstances and even the harsh condition of life I would finally be able to hear him speak – in stillness or even in the midst of the cacophony of noises. But if I choose to concentrate on WHY this and why that I would end up making an impatience demand for answers that I least expect and that could destroy the very reality of who God is! God is no-man’s debtor. He cannot be cowed into giving us what we want to hear but what we need to hear.

I know there are people who ended up with the picture of God as a monster – an image that they have painted because they were unable to relate with the Creator because they wanted answers on their own terms. There are some things that we may never be able to fully explain, to grasp, and to comprehend fully about Him and His work. There will forever be questions on the problem of evil, the judgment of God, why He hated Cain and love Abel. There will always be mystery about the work of salvation.

But for me my love relationship with the Father is simple – all that I need to know about Him is plainly written in His word to us (the Holy Bible); accept it, believe it, and apply it. The revelation of God will be made clear each day through the power of the Holy Spirit as I walk in obedience in my daily life. But if I choose to only understand if I can make complete sense, beyond reasonable doubt, and answer to every question succinctly then I have closed myself to any revelation from God who is the very source of my inability to know and explain everything!

MY BUCKET LIST

There are so many youths who have a bucket list - a list of things they want to do or experience before they die. Reading some of the things in their list is amusing because it's out of the ordinary, challenging most of the time, and an experience they wish to enter in, good or bad, smart move or not!

But I decided to have a bucket list too - not the type young people who are full of energy and zest are gravitating towards - but one that would shape me into a man of God, define me as a child of God, and be as close as possible to what God destined and purpose me to be here on earth. I am not a cockalurum (a little man having a high opinion of himself), for sure, but an idealist trying to achieve God's best for me. So here it is......ROMANS 12:9-18

01. Exhibit genuine love
02. Hate evil
03. Hold fast (tightly) what is good
04. Love others with brotherly affection
05. Outdo other in showing honor
06. Be diligent and hardworking - not lazy as far as passion is concerned
07. Serving God with fervency of spirit
08. Be happy - stay positive because I have hope in Christ.
09. Don't lose my cool when I encounter trials, problems or difficult people
10. Be a prayerful person - do it constantly
11. Be generous - see a need, meet a need
12. Show hospitality - welcome people into my home at all times
13. Bless people all the time with my words, attitude and actions - even people who back-stab me.
14. Be empathetic - rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
15. I must live in harmony with everyone
16. Never be proud - associate with all levels of people as precious people of God.
17. I must never think even for a second that I am smarter than everyone else - that actually makes me look stupid!
18. Only repay goodness and mercy NOT evil for evil.
19. Think honorable, good and wonderful thoughts - I am what I think!
20. I will strive to be a peacemaker in all situation.

That's a tall-order!

HOME ALONE

FB March 8 @ 1.45 am: I thought that it would be great to be alone while my children are out for various reasons but it turned out that a sense of loneliness came flooding in. I missed her very much. I drove into town hoping to stay away from the emptiness of the house and I ended driving for a long while not knowing where to go. I drove around in circle to finally find a place to stop for dinner.

It's moment like this that really rattles me at the core of my being. Quickly I prayed to the Lord for strength, for comfort, and peace within my soul. Lord, I need you to hold my hand and protect my heart once again.

FB March 12 @ 3.45 am:  I thought of doing something fruitful since I could not sleep - Life Group Discussion Material, Sermon preparation, planning for Palm Sunday and Passion Week, etc. etc. Let's see what happen but for now I need to write something to explain my last post that has caused some concern from people I know who loves me and cares for me.

Let me start by saying that the "loneliness" that I experienced that Saturday evening that caused my heart to feel the pain again was not a daily thing but a spur of a moment within the context of children being away and I was HOME ALONE. I did snapped out of it a couple of hours later. So for those who were worried about my emotional state be rest assured - it was just a moment of missing my wife BUT it was real. And that I don't deny it!

Someone whispered to me during the early days of losing my other half that the lost has never left her even after 10 years of her husband's demise and also the fact of being remarried to a wonderful man! I knew exactly what she meant. I have managed to move on with life BUT her face, her love, her scent, and her voice have all been edged into the very core of my being. After all we were married for 29 years through thick and thin, in need and in plenty, in sickness and in health, in disagreement and in laughter. We had shared many moments of laughter - laughing at ourselves and the silly things that we have done! We had raised three kids together. We were not absent parents. We worked very hard to feed them. We served God together and many times into the wee hours of the morning. We laughed together and we cried together. We defended each other's honor against lies, verbal assault in ministry, and incorrigible and unreasonable parents in the church. We cooked and served hot meals for families of the church, for the youths, and many times with the last 50 Ringgit in our wallet!

These were our stories, our tales - a history I hope my children will tell their children!

AMAZING HOLIDAY IN MELBOURNE

For everything there's a first time. My holiday to Melbourne, Australia last week was my first (sadly without my wife. *sigh*). I was like a monkey straight from the jungle of Malaysia. Everything was delightful to behold, to try, and to meddle. But it was great to have a fellow monkey coming along too!

It was a hectic 7 days trip but enjoyable all the way - the people I met up, the family I stayed with, and all the tours that we signed up for. I have never walk so much in my life. Probably Thean Khee would be laughing away because I had stopped going for our regular walk for more than a year. This is probably a payback time.

Let me relate one incident: I was standing on the pavement waiting for the city tram, and due to my carelessness of not paying attention when I step backwards that my right heel hit the slightly raised pavement that sent me falling down like the Jericho Wall. What happened next was the most disgusting thing ever - the embarrassment of being a Humpty Dumpty was minor in comparison - I fell onto the most smelly and dirty drooling dog ever. The drool was all over my shirt and my hand. The stench was beyond intolerable - cruelly intolerable. I had to go to the public toilet to have a thorough wash up, got rid of my shirt (threw it away in the dumpster), and ended up with wearing my wind-breaker jacket without my shirt underneath. Even with that I still smell awful. What an experience! I commented to Cowan that I had contributed a shirt to the City of Melbourne!

Well...more stories to come......

It looks like my plight (the dog story) has turned out to be a joke. Well, at least I made some people laugh. Today is the 15th Day of CNY (Chap Goh Meh) so the Chinese saying goes like this: Got 1st Day of the Lunar will definitely have the 15th Day of the Lunar too.

On a more serious note, the holiday has turned out to be very therapeutic for me - emotionally, spiritually, and physically too. I think this is the longest time I ever had where I didn't think of work, of ministry, and of people that I am concerned about. I was able to hang loose - eat heartily, enjoy the scenery with much appreciation of the wonders of God's creation, breath fresh air, fantastic weather, and great fellowship with friends. Where can we get all these at one time. I thoroughly enjoyed my one week of break. I am refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to continue serving God. Father, I thank You for making it possible for me to have this holiday.

One of the highlights of my trip was the opportunity to view the great Australian shore line named the 12th Apostles from a helicopter. Yes, you read it right - on an helicopter. The view was more than amazing. We knew that we would never have such opportunity to be on a helicopter back in Malaysia.

Let me list all the wonderful experiences - great fish and chips, good Vietnamese and Japanese food, great wild life, beautiful country farm house, amazing gold mining town, great shore line, cool weather, cute penguins, wallabies, kangaroos, koala and black swan - not to mention platypus. The fall, the dog and Pastor Cowan Yuen are just my "cross to bear" (just like Pastor Charles Curtis would say: JUST JOKING!) - cannot be compared to a most wonderful holiday that is God-given!

ONE HAPPY FAMILY

Chinese New Year has always been the best year of my life since I was a little boy. I have only good memories of the festivity, feasting, and fireworks! But the most memorable memory of it all is the family togetherness. And more than three decades later, with children all grown up and grandchildren coming along, the gathering of family members for a reunion dinner on the eve of Chinese New Year still evoke the same memory of family togetherness. Oh...what a heritage!

The Lim Family have extended, no doubt, but also registered a sad lost (a sister-in-law, my wife, Ean Beng). I know that everyone in the family still remembers her and for that I am honored. But it's Chinese New Year, so it's happy time together. The happy family still goes on, just like when we lost our parents we feel the lost but we are glad we still have a family. We keep the memories of them close to our hearts and we go on living life the way it should, the way the Lord wants us to.  

BEHIND EVERY CLOUD THERE IS SUNSHINE

I know that many people are feeling either sad, frustrated, angry, confused and flabbergasted with the latest news in our country (the infamous news of the century) BUT all these feelings also stirred something in us to want to fight back, to raise our fist, to vote against, to march forward and to make statements. Let us, as believers, pause for a moment and bow our heads and pray for mercy, for grace, for justice to prevail in the end - not retaliation, not violence, not condemnatory remarks and insults. The man who received the wrongful judgment had make his speech and state his stand and if we agree with him then let us pray for him.

I always believe that behind every cloud there is a sunshine, and after every rain there is a rainbow. What seems to be another black day for the nation will turn out to be the brightest day for the nation and for our children!

I agree with many thousands of fellow Malaysian who have echoed that they have lost faith in the judicial system of our nation BUT I have not given up on the hope of the nation (her people, her ordinary people) for a better Malaysia - the day will come. JUST LET GOD BE GOD OF OUR NATION!

The worse that could happen to Christians is not the persecution, the prosecution, and the injustices even though they are crucial BUT the apathy we adopt towards what is happening, the cynical jibe we express in our conversations, and the withdrawal into our shell like that old hymn we used to sing "Hold the Fort for I am coming..."

We need to stop kidding ourselves and rise up and listen to what Modecai told Esther in the midst of a crisis (the threat to the extermination of the Jewish race by Haman) - Perhaps you were born for such a time as this! What did Esther finally said: If I perish, I perish! She was determined to do the right thing - the only thing that is right - full of possibilities and impossibilities.

When we are apathetic, cynical and withdrawn into our own world we stop caring and become self-centered - gazing at your own navel! Believers, believe me, no matter what attitude we take or what position we stand won't shield us from the brickbats of injustices, hatred and unkind racial and religious slur thrown our ways. We need to rise up for our children, for our future generation, if not, the easiest way out is to migrate. But where in the world can you run away from the foul and stench of the workings of the evil one - the very cesspool of sin, fear and hatred?

LESSONS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP

A Short Car Trip with Friends

I had a wonderful two-day trip to KL and Cameron Highlands with friends. We went to a Christian bookstore and spend a few hours there, meet an old friend for dinner, and stayed in the Mission House for the night. The next day we traveled to Cameron Highland for a night doing nothing but just to chill. What a trip!

The first day was fun – Ah Beng and I ended up on a buying spree. The dinner was not too bad and meeting with my friend in KL was refreshing. At the Mission House we met a Brazilian family who speaks excellent English so we all ended up fellowship for over three hours – into the wee hours of the morning. We did talk about many things but the central topic was none other than food – especially the food in Penang. Penang folks are forever prideful of their food island paradise (maybe it is over rated now!).

The following day we left for Cameron Highland. The most memorable thing that we did was drinking tea. I think I have never drank so much tea in my life in one day. But I must admit it was really good. The fellowship that we had was wonderful but also dynamic and volatile at times. Suffice to say that (sounding like Chong Leang) in the midst of such fellowship I had come to learn many wonderful lessons about myself and what I am capable of. Some of the discovery of myself came through the eyes of both my friends who were with me and their willingness (or unwillingness) to say it in my face! I appreciate it very much.

So what was it?

Well, I learned that I am not as friendly as I thought I am all this while. I can be snobbish, insensitive, and unintentionally ignore people whom I considers as friends. Wow – that hurts but I can’t deny the fact that I did frequently space-out and enter into a “fantasy-world” of my own. I discovered that I do interrupt a lot (whether intentionally or unintentionally) in any given conversation making the whole exercise dynamic but volatile! I do look unfriendly at times and somehow my anger and displeasure shows in my face. Again this hurts because I thought I was the most understanding guy around, the most friendly and approachable pastor on the face of the earth. How wrong I was! Ha-ha.

Well, the trip had taught me not to take friendship for granted and not to take relationship lightly but to be other-centered or rather to be Jesus-centered. But all well that ends well – we did have a great time – visiting hot water spring, watching Raja Brooke butterfly, drinking tea, climbing little hills, buying potted plants, vegetables, strawberries and Cameron Valley Tea. And not to mentioned listening to Ah Beng playing piano with such gusto and vibrancy at the hotel lounge!

Authentic Friendship

I was sharing with the Young Adults in FGA-Taiping about authentic relationships; what does it mean to us to love God with everything within us and to love one another? It is easy to say to someone, hi friend, but what does friendship entails, what is its expectation, and what qualify us to truly be a friend to another?

We do not engage people for what we could get out of them, but for what we could give them of God’s life. Because we are not focused on ourselves, we are able to touch people with the deepest treasures of God’s love. And that made all the difference. True friendship or authentic relationship is NOT loving others as long as they benefit us; based on our needs, we can be warm one moment and cold the next – “mutual accommodation of self-need.” I saw a lot of selfish relationships on display in countless situations in my long years as a pastor. Most recently I saw it being displayed once again.

The irony is that we can call each other friend, brother or sister-in-Christ, buddy and other terms akin to relationship but yet we are prejudice in our friendship by categorizing our “friends” into various degree of importance, of closeness, and what not. They are either our friends or not, and if they are not then they are just acquaintances or people that we happen to work together or go to the same church with. I can’t for the life of me understand how we can even have preferences in our friendship – that’s hypocrisy and selfishness. I dislike (have unsettling feelings) when I see people choosing who to fellowship with, to go out with, and to hang out with. Maybe, I have felt left-out once too often by people who calls me their friends, especially, when I found out that I was not on A List. I wish I was not in any list at all and not considered as a friend either. Have you ever felt puzzled that sometimes some invitations come to you late and your suspicion is that they have exhausted the A List and in order to fill up the empty slot you are then invited? Honest to goodness, if I even smell such hypocrisy I would politely decline!

Bottom-line: If we even consider someone as a friend then treat them as one – like Jesus who are always focused on others. That’s authentic friendship – not what we can get out of them or those who can make us feel good and important!

A Personal Confession

Today I confessed to my fellow workers that I don't have someone that I can confide in, to share honestly my feelings, and my pent up frustration and questions about anything and everything. I felt lonely - a loneliness that engulf me even long before my wife passes on. Maybe I became so afraid of being betrayed, of being laughed at, or just being who I am. Sometimes I feel elated when there's praise comment, when there's a word of "affirmation" BUT still come away feeling that it's all just hot-air. I tried harder, tried better but still I know deep within me that I am just playacting!

I don't know whether you'll understand me but this gnawing feeling eats at me once in a while. I am terrified of leadership task, terrified of failure, terrified of not being good enough father, a good enough pastor, and what not. Sometime it is only when we are at our wit's end that we clearly see the horizon of hope found only in Christ our Lord!

PSALM 61:1-2 -Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Help me Lord!

When is Enough Enough

Sometimes I wonder when enough is enough. Like parenting, pastoring, working, making money, relationship, caring, loving and etc., etc. I spoke on authentic relationships (the art of one anothering - other-centeredness) and I am tested to the limit. When is enough enough! Loving can be tiring. Caring is certainly tiring though love conquers all. Relationships is sometimes hard to maintain on a high level of sanity because it comes with pain, hurts, misunderstanding, slighted-ness, endless sensitivity, happiness, fulfillment, security, significance, identity, acceptance, and the list goes on. We need a little of "positive insanity" to get by - live and let live BUT in Christ and not riotously, frivolously, and carelessly! We need a little "sublime ignorance" in the art of authentic friendship and relationship. By that I mean our friendship should not be put to such minute scrutiny as to interpret every action, move or word of a friend we are connected with - always giving a benefit of a doubt.