HOME ALONE

FB March 8 @ 1.45 am: I thought that it would be great to be alone while my children are out for various reasons but it turned out that a sense of loneliness came flooding in. I missed her very much. I drove into town hoping to stay away from the emptiness of the house and I ended driving for a long while not knowing where to go. I drove around in circle to finally find a place to stop for dinner.

It's moment like this that really rattles me at the core of my being. Quickly I prayed to the Lord for strength, for comfort, and peace within my soul. Lord, I need you to hold my hand and protect my heart once again.

FB March 12 @ 3.45 am:  I thought of doing something fruitful since I could not sleep - Life Group Discussion Material, Sermon preparation, planning for Palm Sunday and Passion Week, etc. etc. Let's see what happen but for now I need to write something to explain my last post that has caused some concern from people I know who loves me and cares for me.

Let me start by saying that the "loneliness" that I experienced that Saturday evening that caused my heart to feel the pain again was not a daily thing but a spur of a moment within the context of children being away and I was HOME ALONE. I did snapped out of it a couple of hours later. So for those who were worried about my emotional state be rest assured - it was just a moment of missing my wife BUT it was real. And that I don't deny it!

Someone whispered to me during the early days of losing my other half that the lost has never left her even after 10 years of her husband's demise and also the fact of being remarried to a wonderful man! I knew exactly what she meant. I have managed to move on with life BUT her face, her love, her scent, and her voice have all been edged into the very core of my being. After all we were married for 29 years through thick and thin, in need and in plenty, in sickness and in health, in disagreement and in laughter. We had shared many moments of laughter - laughing at ourselves and the silly things that we have done! We had raised three kids together. We were not absent parents. We worked very hard to feed them. We served God together and many times into the wee hours of the morning. We laughed together and we cried together. We defended each other's honor against lies, verbal assault in ministry, and incorrigible and unreasonable parents in the church. We cooked and served hot meals for families of the church, for the youths, and many times with the last 50 Ringgit in our wallet!

These were our stories, our tales - a history I hope my children will tell their children!