It’s been quite a while since I last post on FB. For a long while my post centered on the trial that my family and I was going through, and the journey of faith that I had to journey through. At those times, there were many things to ponder, many issues to deal with, and many questions that needed answers. Well, this valley of pain and uncomfortableness have pretty much out of sight now, but still there is a sense of emptiness within my heart. It’s not that I don’t have things to do and that I have so much time on hand to waste in thinking. It’s not that I have a mountain of obstacles to overcome or a valley of despair that I have to conquer. I enjoy the work of the ministry. I enjoy my present status in life. In fact, it’s already almost a year since I lost my wife. I have wonderful children and I don’t have any financial burden, but still there’s a nagging emptiness that I could not put my finger on.
I don’t want to sound like I am whining or complaining. I am not saying that I am sad. I am not even saying that I am not satisfied in life – especially in Christ. I guess there’s going to be that feeling of losing someone who is a part of you for so long that’s not going away for the rest of your life. I like to move on – as some have suggested that – but it’s easier said than done.
So where is God in all of this? I don’t have an answer, but I know deeply within my heart that God loves me and He takes care of me. I have no doubt of His goodness toward me and my family. In fact, God is the strength of my life, and through it all, He is faithful and compassionate. But every day I came back home and deeply felt the absence of the love of my life. I missed the laughter, the silly quarrels, and the times we watch Asian Food Channel, the only TV Show she watched. Of course, I missed the family prayer and Bible reading. I missed her cooking, going to Tesco and Sunshine Farlim, and wet market. How many things we take for granted until …. Now I missed her! How I wished I could have done more for her, spend more time with her, and take her for holidays.
Even as the church stress on Christ’s Kingdom in our home in this few months I pray that each one of us would treasure our family – our spouse, children, parents, and extended family (church friends). We need to treasure relationship – “owe no one anything except to love” – truly love one another while they are still here. There’s no point rehearsing all our love for our parents, spouse and children when they are no longer around. Love while they are still alive and it would be the best thing God would have us do!
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