FATHERS, LEARN CREATIVELY

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 - And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Mentoring & Coaching

Fathers must learn to use creativity in their mentoring and coaching. Fathers – we are told to repeat the word of God to our children. The bible tells us to talk to them when we are at home. And even when we are away from home we still need to leave behind godly instructions for them to remember. Spend time lying down next to them before they go to bed and talk to them about God and pray for them. And early in the morning speak the word of God to them. Don’t spend time scolding and reprimanding. Don’t strut like a big boss waiting to be served. Show them what it means to be godly and to remember all the goodness of God. Encourage our children to do well in education and to do well in serving God. We must be the source of encouragement, the source of security and the source of strength for our children. Learning is more than just cognitive teaching. There must be life application. Our children learn through mentoring, coaching and, apprenticeship. There must develop a father and son (daughter) relationship.

There are several ways of learning I found useful over the years:

1.  Friendship is important. This is where fathers learn to listen to them and to their fears, their struggles, and maybe their concerns. Friendship is also seen in learning to do things together especially things we like to do – playing football, watching world cup together and engage in meaningful conversation. 

2.   Have Family Altar - gather together to read the bible with some explanation. Then pray for one another and also for needs that we know of – church needs, people who are sick and going through difficulties. Pray consistently for missionaries too.

3.   Take our children through history lessons – not about Hung Tuah or some famous men but taking them back to our roots, our past and history about our family. They will appreciative of how we grew up – the kind of stuff that we do when we were young. Take them to the place where we grew up and from there tell stories. At special occasions gather the family together and remind them about our past and how God has been so good.

4.  Be transparent - sharing of fears, struggles, passion, calling and victories. In our Asian context, most fathers would not like to let down our guard and let our children sees our weakness. Let’s face it – even if we try to hide it our children knows our weaknesses and failures. There’s no point trying to hide – let us be honest and transparent to our children.  They will appreciate us even more.

Spiritual Training & Education

Spiritual Training and Education is a vital part of our children’s learning process. It is honorable to hold the thought of giving our children the finest education. Our instinct tells us that the secular education for our children will be their survival in the future. This is typically true for Malaysians due mainly to our political landscape and racial polarization. We are so afraid that our children will lose out so we work very hard to give them a good education. I think that is acceptable and reasonable. As Christians we need to have that perspective – one that looks out for their children. But I have an axe to grind with parents who stress secular education as top priority for their children. They have a warped view of the role of education and Christian discipleship. They do not see education as preparing their children for life but instead it’s just survival. Education should be holistic and not just to pass with flying colors in examinations. Education for our children should include Christian education and not just secular subjects alone.

The failure of parents to see discipleship and spiritual nurturing as more important than secular education may be the main cause of their children doing well in colleges and universities in terms of education but become lukewarm in their life of faith. What is the point of producing doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc when more and more of them are bent towards the world than to God? What is the point of our children succeeding in the world according to the world’s standard but failed miserably in upholding Christian values and maintaining upright moral behavior? What sort of legacy do we want to leave for our children? Do we want to leave them with the knowledge that we have provided them with the finest education but no spiritual heritage for them to hold onto when they face the harsh reality of an unkind and cruel world? Do we want to just leave them with the knowledge of the world without the knowledge of God and a vital relationship with Him?

I believe that we need to encourage our children to study hard and to study smart. I believe that we need to expect our children to know the value of education. But I believe we need to teach them lessons of faith; faithfulness to God, faithfulness in serving Him, and faithfulness of uprightness. I believe that we need to educate our children “to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8).”

What is the Life Application then? I believe it is the duty and responsibility of parents in the following areas: (1) Modeling to our children what it means to love the Lord with all our lives and one another as Jesus loves us. (2) Encouraging them to be involved in the Lord’s work (we need to be involved too!). (3) Challenging them to take time to study God’s word – discipleship courses and/or Bible study courses. (4) Motivate then to participate in short-term mission work. (5) Insisting that they put God first and learn to trust Him as they put their heart and mind into their studies.